I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
