did you get engaged???
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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