You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
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