Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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