Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
