I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
