chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Houston, we have a squirter
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
