I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
