Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
