I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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