What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We left the knife in your bed.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
