I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wish you could order shots online.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
