Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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