brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I smell stomach acid.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
