Having a random hookup so left but love u
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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