very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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