Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
