If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
