Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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