I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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