if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i believe in u and ur pee
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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