I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
