Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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