I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Is Oprah even human
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize
