that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
