Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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