Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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