Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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