Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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