Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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