hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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