Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
