dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
