My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
