Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
