My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
