I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
