I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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