i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
