you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
