Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
