I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
