Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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