Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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