TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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