i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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