I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We have started to decorate penises.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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