Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
