I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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