he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
