What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
