You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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