im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
