Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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