no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
