got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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