went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
