Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
