At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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