when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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