ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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