Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
