Fuck appropriateness.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
