I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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